Thursday, January 07, 2016
I will tell you something that happened and you can decide for yourself whether you believe it or not. First, let me say, that my family has always leaned toward believing in reincarnation and psychic phenomena of certain kinds (while agreeing that there are lots of charlatans claiming to be seers out there). My father had psychic abilities. You could not live with him without believing that some people have brains that can hear more and see farther into the spiritual realm than others.
I myself have never had a spiritual experience. I went to a psychic once who told my friends many true things about themselves but she gave me my money back saying she could not read me because I was too "earthbound". She gave me a postcard before I left that showed a girl behind a tree trying to get the attention of another girl who remained oblivious to her presence. She told me I was the unseeing girl while the girl behind the tree was my guardian angel.
I have my own rather quirky belief system but mostly I call myself an agnostic. I don't know the answers and I don't think anyone else does either. I'm open to most possibilities but I cannot say: "this is it, this is what I believe for sure."
I went to Sedona, Arizona recently to visit my cousin who has a house there. Sedona, he told me, is a healing place. People come there to find spiritual peace. He thought because of my especially heartbreaking last couple of years, losing my mother and son, I could use a little spiritual healing. I certainly couldn't deny that.
He paid for my friend, Brenda, and I to go get a reading from a psychic he and his wife trusted. I had told her about John's death and my plan to plant wildflowers this spring in what I call my Six-Tree Woods and spread his and Mom's ashes there.
I had not told her that he was currently in a box in my friend, Jan's, back bedroom because I simply didn't think I could face a small container that held all that remained of my son. (When Indiana University finished with Mom's body and cremated her, I had them send her to Jan's also so she and John would be together.
Toward the end of my reading, the psychic said, "you know, it is really time for you to bring your son home. All you are doing is denying your grief but it has to be released. If you don't bring him home, his flowers won't be beautiful."
Well, I came back to Indiana and had Jan bring Mom and John to me. I thought, seeing those two boxes, that I would cry and never be able to stop but I didn't. I put them on a shelf on a bookcase in John's room that he'd made. Instead of being negative, it was comforting to have them home with me.
So, there it is, make of it what you will.
I will let you know if my flowers are beautiful in the spring.